Ask a Manager

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I’m estranged from my father, who was a truly terrible emotional abuser — maybe physical too, if you consider “kick child out of car for turning the volume down during a good song so now he has to walk home along the highway for an hour” child endangerment. We haven’t spoken in […]

• I don't want to work with my estranged father, changing in front of coworkers at the gym, and more
• I manage someone who was terribly harmed by my family ... what do I do?
• should I tell my boss about a personal situation that might affect my work?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I am a first-time manager of a virtual team, and one of my direct reports works from home 100% of the time. On a recent call, this employee was providing an overview of a new system and in the background, everyone on the project team could hear his three-year-old child screaming. It […]

• my coworker screams awful things at her kids during video calls
• what's reasonable for managers to expect of parents working from home?
• my boss's kids are incredibly distracting on video calls

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: I’m the assistant manager of a workplace where my partner also works. In fact, we met there — when I started working here, we were both in the same customer-facing role, and about a year ago I got the assistant manager role. We’ve so far made this work, although it has been […]

• my manager’s partner speaks up in our private meetings
• I'm dating my boss -- can I fix his conflict with another employee?
• I'm supposed to fire my husband's ex-wife

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My employee thinks I’m sending “secret messages” about how much time off she has I’m a new manager with less than a year of experience, and I manage one direct report, Sally. We’re both based in the U.S., while our director is in the UK. […]

• my coworker is dating a convicted pedophile
• our new boss doesn't know how awful her second-in-command is
• my problem employee is telling coworkers I’m unfair to her

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: How does one shake a reputation at work for being “extra”? Three years ago, I joined my current organization and quickly became known as a go-getter, an innovator, and someone good at their job. Senior level colleagues would learn about programs I had developed, express admiration, and ask to borrow the idea. […]

• my boss keeps asking me to do things that aggravate our community partners
• can I ever repair my bad reputation with my manager?
• can I recover from a bad reputation at work?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Readers, can you help with this one? I had a question I’m hoping to get your or your readers’ input on. I live, and work remotely from, one of the Southern Appalachian communities that was most severely impacted by Hurricane Helene. I’m very lucky in that I’m safe, my people are safe, and I didn’t […]

• do you have to be paid if your office is closed because of a hurricane?
• how do you turn off a crisis management mindset after finishing work each day?
• my boss wants me to be positive and upbeat all the time ... we work in disaster relief

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: This happened a while ago, but I’m still weirded out by it. I worked in a very close-knit, small office (five people), where I got along very well with everyone except one person, “Gertrude.” Gertrude was in her first job out of school, so it’s likely she was new to working world […]

• a coworker prayed for my fiancé's death so we didn't invite her to our wedding ... and now there is drama
• coworker is throwing a tantrum over having to interview for a promotion, inviting coworkers to your wedding, and more
• my coworker brought seven plus-one's to a work party

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Writing group member won’t stop talking and we can’t get any work done I work at an academic institution, and am a member of a writing group that includes people across different departments. We meet every few weeks to write as a way of carving […]

• dealing with a problematic member of a board games group
• my "hybrid" team is using me as their way to not go to the office at all
• what do you do when your coworkers are afraid to address a problem as a group?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Last week we talked about times you saw someone right someone else’s wrong. Here are 10 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The COO My first job out of college was working at a large corporation as an executive admin. There were five of us admins who sat in the open space, outside of […]

• our admins hate all the coffee I buy the office, but they insist I have to keep trying
• can I steal my boss's job while he's on leave, women in menswear, and more
• our top two execs are secretly mother and daughter, salary offer was lower than recruiter said, and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes: My small company has a very laid-back culture — sometimes too laid-back. A lot of the employees are friends outside of work or follow each other on social media. A team of seven employees sits outside of my office in an open floor plan space. They often talk throughout the day and […]

• I think my coworker is lying about having a sick kid
• my coworkers all hang out without me
• my coworker showed us an explicit slideshow of her baby's birth

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days (probably back tomorrow), so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2017. A reader writes: I’m really curious about what you would have done in this situation. I’ve worked for a company for a little over 10 years and there is a person, who […]

• my husband is my boss -- and we're getting divorced
• my employee helped a fired coworker get a job with her fiance and lied to me about it
• can I use sick leave to take my cat to the vet?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days (probably back tomorrow). Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My office thinks I insulted a coworker but I didn’t mean it like that I work for a small nonprofit. I have one boss and about […]

• my office thinks I insulted a coworker, colleague refuses to take my input, and more
• I feel insulted by the rolls at my new job, coworker uses baby talk, and more
• I don't like my super popular coworker ... and she complained to my boss about it

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

• all of my 2022 and 2023 book recommendations
• all of my book recommendations from 2015-2021
• the cats of AAM

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to […]

• my coworker passes me messages "from the CEO" ... that I think are really from her
• my employee sent me a "letter of intent" to look for another job
• need help finding a job? start here

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My coworkers won’t help me cut expenses A few months ago we received an email from the Big Boss (head of our business unit) that we are entering a […]

• my coworkers won't cut expenses, pop culture references in interviews, and more
• interviewer said if you get a raise, the workload will go up for the entire team
• when I asked for a raise, my boss went through my bills

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days, so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2019. A reader writes: I work in a small office (about 20 people at this branch of our company) and we have two individual restrooms (as opposed to stalls) in our central hallway. There is certainly […]

• my coworker is setting toilet paper on fire in the bathroom
• the men in our office use the women's bathrooms ... only for pooping
• my boss follows me into the bathroom to talk about work

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. Former coworker stole my work and keeps contacting me for help Thank you so much for publishing an answer to my question! I appreciated your advice, Alison, and the advice shared by the commentariat. It was validating to see that others agreed Lulu is, well, delulu. I […]

• former coworker stole my work and keeps contacting me for help
• my coworker cries over tiny things, using a nickname at work, and more
• my favorite posts of the decade

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Today’s “ask the readers” is for my mom: let’s talk about times when someone righted someone’s else wrong (a favorite pastime of my mother). Maybe a colleague stood up to the office bully on behalf of a more junior colleague, or a new manager flagged a pay gap and got it fixed, or any other […]

• the plum liquor, the free lunches, and other times people used their power for good
• my coworker is upset that I didn't tell her I'm pregnant
• how to tell an employee he needs to figure some things out himself

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. One of our bosses got invited to our rowdy beach weekend I am good friends with three of my coworkers, let’s call them Billy, Goat, and Gruff. The four […]

• our boss got invited to our rowdy beach weekend, cold-contacting strangers on LinkedIn, and more
• should I organize an all-men beach weekend for my coworkers, asking for time to process things before responding, and…
• my boss and my employee won't stop asking me to spend the night at their houses

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

I’m off for a few days, so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2017. A reader writes: I’ve got a question regarding how much “mistake tolerance” is expected in the workplace. Just to give you some background, I’m a (tech) team lead, which, in my case, means my daily […]

• I feel betrayed when employees quit
• I sent my boss a long, angry email ... but I turned out to be wrong
• was it unprofessional to say I was angry?